Naruto Drabbles
by citrus soda
Summary: A little bundle of Naruto Drabbles. Beware of possible crack.


Lady Hinata, wife to the Hokage, Naruto Uzumaki, had everything. She had her Academy crush as her husband, two adorable children, a beautiful home, a comfortable bed, and lots, and lots of cinnamon buns she could eat anytime, everyday. Her father was proud of her, her little sister was head of the Hyuuga just like Hanabi had always wanted, and nobody was dying or in the hospital! Her life was one anybody would be proud of.

Hinata Hyuuga, however, was, despite every single one of her wishes being granted, still had two wishes left that haven't been fulfilled. The first one was that her mother would come back, and her father could stop being so stressed out, and their family could be whole again. The second one was... Well, Naruto still wasn't in love with her.

He liked her, but it turns out the 1st Hokage's wife wasn't very fond of Hyuuga, and didn't want the Uzumaki and the Hyuuga to mix because when she was a kid, she got injured by a young Hyuuga child, and so this was her punishment to that guy's family. So, she decided that if a Hyuuga and a Uzumaki decided to get all lovey-dovey, then the Hyuuga would get cursed by her and the Uzumaki would become a girl if he was a guy, or vice versa if the Uzumaki was a girl. Hinata has no idea how her curse even works, or how she managed to place a seal on every single one of the Uzumaki, but she did. So..

Naruto was now a girl. And Naruko wasn't a lesbian, so she and Hinata couldn't kiss or make more kids, BECAUSE NEITHER ONE OF THEM HAD A DICK. And they technically _could have sex,_ but Hinata didn't want to force Naruko into doing the deed with her. And because she's never done girl on g-girl before. Technically, there was this one time on a seduction mission in which Tsunade was drunk and made her go seduce a female informant for information, but... Ahem, Hinata didn't really want to think about it.

So, now she was left without any love from her... wife, and now had to keep it all in every time she got horny and had to go let it out in the shower, and that was practically everyday because she _wasn't getting any skin from her betrothed._ But Hinata still loved Naruto/Naruko, even if Naruto was a female, and didn't want to sleep with Hinata. Naruko could sleep in the same bed as Hinata, she could play with the kids with Hinata, and she even hugged her once and gave her a kiss on the cheek, but she won't have sex with Hinata.

Currently, our sex-deprived yet still married heroine sits in her bedroom pondering on what she should do with her life. She was thinking about doing suicide, but when she thought of how sad that would make her children and especially, how stressed Naruko might get if there wasn't someone there to watch the kids. So she decided to just visit the library of Konohagakure, where she had always been her whole pre-teen and teenage life, except for those moments when she had to sit in on clan meetings. The old librarian and her were good friends, especially since the librarian liked the same genre of books Hinata had; Sci-Fi and Fantasy. Hinata also had a interest in History, however, she could never find the History books on the shelves. She figured they were all checked out by the Academy teachers, but when school was out for summer vacation, they were still gone.

But now, now that she was all grown up, she didn't need the librarian to help her get books off high shelves. Well, maybe a little, but not all the time these days. The librarian really was a nice person, but she was so old and Hinata always feared that she would fall off of the ladder or have a heart attack while holding some heavy hardcover books. Think of the world of pain she would be in if she had dropped all of those books on herself! So, she always came to the library to visit the librarian, just in case she needed help with something, or in case her back had a ache, or in case she needed help getting home, and wanted somebody to escort her across the street. Hinata would be there in a flash, just like the old grandma had been when she was having trouble with her books.

However, since yesterday had been the old librarian's funeral and birthday, Hinata had an excruciating hangover from drinking so much, all of the stores in Konoha had run out of coffee, and her pills weren't working! She had tried making a home remedy, but that wasn't working either! So, Hinata had shoved the hangover to the back of her mind, and forced a false smile onto her face, and let it drop when she finally reached the librarian's grave. She set down the birthday present she had gotten for the old grandma's birthday, and looked down at the stone slab. Her eyes traced over the carefully carved words and let tears stream down her face, and watched as they wet the stone grave. Her knees gave in, and she began to full out cry as it rained, unknowingly activating her Byakugan from all the sheer anger and sadness and all the feelings she had felt just then.

She stared up at the dark, stormy clouds, opened her mouth, and screamed. It was a dying, agonized scream, one filled with anger and disappointment, sadness and unrestrained pain, all of the things she had been holding in ever since the funeral. Ever since she died.

Hinata ignored the fabric of her clothes clinging to her body, she ignored the mud on her pants, and she ignored the growing pain in her throat. She was so tired, tired of this stupid curse, tired of not getting any action with her stupid husband-wife, tired of having to deal with so much bullshit her whole life, tired of all the pitying stares and whispers of the civilians and shinobi around her as soon as she walked through the streets, **_she was so goddamn tired of everything, everyone, every single feeling she had to keep in, every snickering god up there in the sky that was messing with her head, she was tired of it all! All she ever wanted was for Naruto-kun to return her love, to make her father proud, to her family safe! Is that too much to ask for?_**

 ** _"Is that too much to ask for, you GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKERS?!_** ** _"_** Hinata screamed up at the heavens. No one could hear her, save for a silver haired not-so-immortal-anymore-ghost who happened to be visiting the KIA Memorial Stone to pray for the poor heathens that didn't know about Jashin-sama and hope that they go where Jashin-sama is anyways.

Hidan stared at the sobbing heathen, no, _angel_ that was screaming at the sky in pain and agony for all of the sins of the village full of heathens he was in. He saw the prayer beads in her hand, the pure anger in her voice, the wings of the Shinigami on her back, the eyes full of sadness, she was an _angel_ of _Jashin for sure._

Years ago, he had believed that angels didn't exist, but now he did. There was one right in front of him.

He waited for the sky to clear, before speaking.

 _"Heathens, am I right?"_

 _"H-Huh?"_

 _"What'd the heathens do to make an angel of Jashin like you cry? I'll haunt the shit out of them for you, just tell me what they did."_

 _"O-Oh... You don't have to... It..It's fine, really."_

 _"I insist."_

 _"W-Well..."_

 _"On second thought, I don't want to know, you screamed pretty loud back there."_

 _"Oh, s-sorry about that. *hic*"_

 _"No, no, it's fine. I'm gonna go haunt the heathens, wanna watch?"_

 _"What heathens?"_

 _"The ones that made you cry, of course!"_

 _"O-Oh, no, it's fine, it-it's not their fault.."_

 _"Then what made you cry? It has to be something!"_

 _"Well..."_

* * *

 ** _(Insert retelling of Hinata's entire life here)_**

* * *

 _"Damn, you got a sad life. I know what might cheer you up! This always cheers me up."_

 _"What is it?"_

 _"Cutting myself."_

 _"0_0"_


End file.
